Slice of Life

Mystical Spider Tongue

I found this while scanning some old email archives. From January, 2000. It's one of those random questionnaires that are perpetually forwarded from person to person across the Internet. Good for a laff and to contrast what I was thinking six years ago (pre-Darby) with my current head space (hint: not much into Law & Order these days).

NAME: Mystical Spider Tongue
SEX:  Yes, please
POINT OF ORIGIN:  A womb
CURRENT WHEREABOUTS: A chair
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Bed, couch, TV, espresso machine
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS? They are Satan's party game
YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW(s): Law & Order
FAVORITE CARTOON QUOTE: "Mmmm, floor pie." (Homer Simpson)
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: A mouse
FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Juggs
FAVORITE SMELLS: coffee
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: flu symptoms
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: orgasm
FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: "Dead Presidents", "Lone Star"
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?: "Fuck"
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? No
ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING? Exciting, then scary, then exciting
PEN OR PENCIL? Rock crushes pen *and* pencil
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER? 2
FUTURE SON'S NAME: Zebulon
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Athena
FAVORITE FOOD: Crawfish, beer
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? Yes
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Chocolate
FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR: Butter pecan
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: Neither, yuck
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? Very fast
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? No, that would be immoral
STORMS-COOL OR SCARY: Whatever
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1975 Ford Maverick
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Tie: Jesus Christ or Ashley Judd
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Beer
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aquarius
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE POET? Poe
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Sometimes
WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Tie: stupidity and hypocrisy
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Master of Reality
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? the color of love
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yes
WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Spider webs
IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? half-empty due to man's inhumanity to man
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? "Yo Momma's armpits so hairy, look like she got Buckwheat inna headlock!"
FAVORITE MOVIE: Too many to choose from. Maybe "Blue Velvet".
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Lefty. But I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous...
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? And the left keys
IF YOU COULD BE ANY GARDENING TOOL WHAT WOULD IT BE? Hoe
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Mossberg 12-gauge shotgun, digital scanner
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 16
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? 1966 Pontiac GTO
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Basketaball, wrestling
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Hot babe, sexy voice
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: God

Posted in Misc at 3:12 PM