August 18, 2006
Mystical Spider Tongue
I found this while scanning some old email archives. From January, 2000. It's one of those random questionnaires that are perpetually forwarded from person to person across the Internet. Good for a laff and to contrast what I was thinking six years ago (pre-Darby) with my current head space (hint: not much into Law & Order these days).
NAME: Mystical Spider Tongue SEX: Yes, please POINT OF ORIGIN: A womb CURRENT WHEREABOUTS: A chair LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Bed, couch, TV, espresso machine WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS? They are Satan's party game YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW(s): Law & Order FAVORITE CARTOON QUOTE: "Mmmm, floor pie." (Homer Simpson) WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: A mouse FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Juggs FAVORITE SMELLS: coffee WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: flu symptoms BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: orgasm FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: "Dead Presidents", "Lone Star" WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?: "Fuck" DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? No ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING? Exciting, then scary, then exciting PEN OR PENCIL? Rock crushes pen *and* pencil HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER? 2 FUTURE SON'S NAME: Zebulon FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Athena FAVORITE FOOD: Crawfish, beer DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? Yes CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Chocolate FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR: Butter pecan CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: Neither, yuck DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? Very fast DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? No, that would be immoral STORMS-COOL OR SCARY: Whatever WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1975 Ford Maverick IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Tie: Jesus Christ or Ashley Judd FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Beer WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aquarius WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE POET? Poe DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Sometimes WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Tie: stupidity and hypocrisy IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Master of Reality IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? the color of love HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yes WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Spider webs IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? half-empty due to man's inhumanity to man WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? "Yo Momma's armpits so hairy, look like she got Buckwheat inna headlock!" FAVORITE MOVIE: Too many to choose from. Maybe "Blue Velvet". ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Lefty. But I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous... DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? And the left keys IF YOU COULD BE ANY GARDENING TOOL WHAT WOULD IT BE? Hoe WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Mossberg 12-gauge shotgun, digital scanner WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 16 WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? 1966 Pontiac GTO WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Basketaball, wrestling SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Hot babe, sexy voice PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: God
August 17, 2006
I Want to Ride My Bicycle, I Want to Ride It Now
|
I'd been trying for weeks to get Darby interested in learning to ride, but she just wasn't into it. I remember wanting desperately to ride a bike when I was her age, but I lived in a neighborhood full of young kids who were constantly racing through the maze of our suburban streets. I had incentive. Poor Darby only has one playmate on our street, and she had been away on vacation for the past couple of months. But of course once Darby's friend returned, bike riding quickly became an attractive option to spending her summer days doing chores with mom and dad. Darby is a quick study, especially when it comes to physical coördination. She learned to ride just over the course of the past 2 afternoons using the same technique I used roughly 35 years ago: First learn to balance and coast on a small bike (12" wheels are best) without training wheels. Training wheels are a crutch and/or a nuisance for some kids. Being low to the ground makes it easy put your feet down when you start falling over, reduces the fear of geting hurt, and removes the stigma of being seen with "baby wheels." Then once you've got your balance figured out, it's a snap to put your feet on the pedals and go.
|
July 27, 2006
The Saddest Cheetah in the World
|
Darby is a published artist! Her lovely picture of a cheetah was selected by Zoobooks to appear on their website as part of the recent Endangered Animals issue.
The instructions for viewing Darby's drawing on the Zoobooks site are way too complicated, so just turn your gaze slightly to the right to experience what I like to call The Saddest Cheetah in the World. The expression on that cheetah's face breaks my heart. And all good art provokes the emotions. Darby, you did a very good job. |  |
